Tonights News was Dedicated to
GILDA RADNER
(June 28, 1946 - May 20, 1989)
A Little Twist Tonight
Roseanne RosannaDanna Style!
Introducing our Guest Update Correspondent
Diana DianaBanana!
For those who are not familiar with who
Gilda Radner was or the character she
played as "Roseanne RoseannaDanna"
on the "Saturday Night Live TV Show"...
Then please click the link below and see
what you're in store for on Thursday Night!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6g6DW6VRWz0
Debbie Spaghetti :: "The Port of Umm Qasr recieves (3) trading ships from 3 different nationalities loaded with various goods... Here to explain this event is our Update Correspondent Diana DianaBanana"
Diana DianaBanana :: Thank you Thank you very much Debbie Spaghetti...
Mr. Tanny of Jersey Shore writes in and says...
Dear Diana DianaBanana...
Living here in Jersey we normally have an abundance of cement. But lately we've run into a shortage of it and can't seem to get a clear answer as to where all the cement has gone. Do you think your investigative expertise can find-a the answer?
Well Mr. Tanny... You ask-a good question from someone who's from New Jersey...
I, Diana DianaBanana, can answer this-a for you because I had a decoder ring once,
and since then, I have been able to read between the lines and see what's not written... but for you Mr. Tanny... because you're at the shore we'll say it's like getting a message in a bottle.
Port of Umm Qasr receives (3) trading ships
On: Wednesday 09/21/2011 19:24
Basra (news) .. today docked in the port of Umm Qasr,
Ohhhhh well first of all... who names their port Umm? I think I ... Diana Diana Banana... know what's really going on here... You knoooooow... Umm Qasr is Iraq's only deep water port... Well I'd say that they're in deep water alright!! They name their port Umm ... but I don't see no meditating going on there ... know what I mean?
This port used to be an old fishing town... That's probably why there is no meditating going on there... everything smells like a fish! Oh everything looks all pretty on the outside... but I know that I don't wanna meditate if the air stinks like a fish... and maybe if I meditate too deep... I could accidentally fall in the water and maybe a shark might get me or something. I think they are trying to make the next meeting with that Umm Maliki on that Umm Port cause that Umm Maliki might accidentally fall in the water and that shark might Umm find him!... Yeah, that's the ticket cause that Maliki makes everything he says sound pretty, but something always smells fishy with that man!... Know what I mean?
You know this Port Umm was founded in the 60's and opened for business in 1967... Maybe they were smokin that a funny stuff and that's why they all named it Umm.
Debbie Spaghetti: Diana Diana Banana! Back to the topic! Please! Geeeze!
Diana DianaBanana :: OK OK... Some people need to do something like sell flowers in public so they don't get so uptight... know what I mean? Sheesh!
OK OK... sooooooo
Commercial, south of Basra, three ships of different nationalities and a variety of tonnage.
It's safe to say here that those 3 ships with tonnage are not a Richard Simmons Cruise-To-Lose Event! They say it was the Decon, Mariah and Jin Lee... which in code really means they got really big light to shine on the sea so they can see the stars but they all drank too much Gin and got sick in the water so they had a to decontaminate it so they can make a commercial -- maybe they were doing a commercial for a remake of that Jaws movie cause everything seems to be about that shark-bait Maliki! See, I told you all I can read between the lines! [Decon is an acronym the Gov't uses for "decontamination", Mariah stands for "star of the sea" and I just played on the name Jin as Gin]
Debbie Spaghetti :: Diana DianaBanana!! Puleeeeeze Get on with the facts!
Diana DianaBanana :: Joey Baloney do you think you can find some woman in Karbala who could help Debbie Spaghetti over here pick out a pair of undergarments that won't get tied all up in a knot so maybe she won't pick on me so much!?
JOEY BALONEY :: That was yesterday's news Diana DianaBanana.
Diana DianaBanana :: Yeah, but yesterday's news always seems to linger into today and tomorrow... like someone who ate sooo much and their stomach blows up with all this gas and bubbles and stuff and then they start belching and stuff then they lean over and let out a big lingering ffffff...
JOEY BALONEY :: OK Diana DianaBanana!!!!!... I'll find a woman in Karbala to help Debbie Spaghetti! Just move on with the news ok?
Diana DianaBanana :: Thanks Joey Baloney... I knew I can count on you...
OK So the rest says:
And A statement by the ports of Iraq has received the Agency (news) a copy of it on Wednesday: that the port of Umm Qasr, commercial south of Basra received three ships of different nationalities and with a tonnage of variety has docked in the port berths ship (Decon 2) tonnage of 22,546 tons of cement and the ship (Mariah) Nationality United Arab Emirates 197 United payload container and the Chinese Nationality (Jin Lee) with tonnage of 9968 tons of variety. / End / 20. Q. p /
Well Mr. Tanny, I, Diana DianaBanana, found your cement... 22,546 tons of it. Mr. Tanny, I'm pretty sure this means that custom made water shoes are being made for Maliki his entourage. And Mr. Tanny... I think you better get the nets out and check your shores in Jersey soon!
Debbie Spaghetti :: Diana DianaBanana!
Diana DianaBanana :: Uh oh -- here it comes again... Debbie Spaghetti with her panties in a twist again!
Debbie Spaghetti :: That's right, that's right Diana DianaBanana, I am interrupting your story once again because it has nothing to do with the receiving of goods in Port Umm Qasr. Pffffffffffffffffffffft!
Diana DianaBanana :: Pffffffft? Well... it just goes to show ya that if it isn't ports or ships rocking the boat it's Debbie Spaghetti making disgusting noises with her mouth cause she's just trying to get me seasick!
So I'll end my segment here with a poem written by
my Nanna --- NannaDianaBanana:
Smiling is infectious, you can catch it like a flu
When someone smiled at me, I started smiling too
When I passed the corner, and someone saw my grin
When he smiled I realized, I passed it on to him
I thought about that smile, and realized its worth
A single smile just like mine, could travel round the earth
So if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected
Lets start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!!
Laugh and let laugh everybody! ...
As my Daddy would say... Goodnight my little Diana DianaBanana
JOEY BALONEY :: And this is Joey Baloney saying that's the news for tonight and have a pleasant tomorrow!
True Article in Full:
Port of Umm Qasr receives (3) trading ships
On: Wednesday 09/21/2011 19:24
Basra (news) .. today docked in the port of Umm Qasr, Commercial, south of Basra, three ships of different nationalities and a variety of tonnage.
And A statement by the ports of Iraq has received the Agency (news) a copy of it on Wednesday: that the port of Umm Qasr, commercial south of Basra received three ships of different nationalities and with a tonnage of variety has docked in the port berths ship (Decon 2) tonnage of 22,546 tons of cement and the ship (Mariah) Nationality United Arab Emirates 197 United payload container and the Chinese Nationality (Jin Lee) with tonnage of 9968 tons of variety. / End / 20. Q. p /
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